There’s a battle raging and it’s on the inside of me; pulling and tugging me in every direction. The good in me fights fiercely trying to be victorious. I’m pushed toward the cross and I fall to my knees. It’s there where I learn to stand my tallest. At the cross, I gain power and I’m reminded I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Truly there is someone greater living on the inside of me than he who is in the world. All the while, I’ve still not overcome. My light has not broken forth. No matter how much I struggle, the enemy never lets up on me. The farther I fall, the more the devil pushes me down. The harder I try it seems that I come under more attack. Light hasn’t yet penetrated the darkness. Within me, I feel the war that has broke out. Good vs. evil. Light verses darkness. The spiritual verses the flesh. Demons from hell oppress me from every side. My mind is constantly under attack. The battle field of my mind is like a field of land mines. I must cautiously protect my eyes from seeing evil; my ears from hearing evil; my mouth from speaking evil; and my feet from walking toward evil or the mine of my mind will explode. I’m being pulled apart. A rope has been tied to both my hands and legs and the other end of the rope tied to the bumpers of four different cars all speeding off in different directions. No matter how much the demons pull at me, I never die and the pain never stops. The intense pain of my bones all broken and pulled out of their sockets is more than I can bear.
The demons of hell are pulling me toward the darkness. I cry out for help, but I remain alone with the demons. I feel them with me throughout my day, and they influence many of my choices and life decisions. I wonder if I’ll ever be free. As the sinister demons of hell tug me away from the cross, they try to detour me from Jesus by placing caution tape over the cross. However, I will not fear the cross! Jesus loves me and I know He would never harm me! It’s getting hotter by the minute and I’m sweating profusely. I feel my body experiencing changes that it never has before. My eyes are swelled and dry so much so that I can no longer raise my eye lids to see any more. My heart is desolate and there’s no hope in site. I can’t tolerate this vicious cradle of depression any longer. Have I been banished from Your presence oh God? Why will You not help me? Revive me Lord! Send Your angels to rescue me! My spirit is crippled within me. These blood thirsty demons have dragged me through what seems to be the very portals of hell. The smell of burning flesh has grotesquely destroyed my stomach. How can anything live in this reprobate realm of existence? The demons laugh as they terrorize me saying that the God I’m calling on for help is dead. He no longer lives they scream at me. They say Jesus the Son of the Most High will not help you!
The scent of sulfur and brimstone are now stronger than they have been up to this point. The demons entice me to cuss my God and His Son Jesus, but I refuse. I have confidence in my God to deliver. Yet, He has not shown up to help me and I don’t understand why not. Have I been exiled for some unforgiven sin? Holy Spirit rescue me from this hell! Forgive me Jesus of my sin. You are my strong tower! You are my fortress! It’s under Your wings where I’m safe! It’s in Your shadow where I find rest! Jesus, take these chains off from around my neck and the shackles off my feet. Please Jesus don’t allow Satan to rule as champion over me. Alter this place! Let there be a shift in the Kingdom!
I can hear chanting coming from deeper in this darkness. Though my neck and feet are shackled, the villainous demons are still pulling me deeper and deeper into the abyss. Can I not escape this place? Now I’m screaming have You abandoned me here God? Am I a reprobate in Your site? Why will You not save me? Have I been praying to a charlatan god? All these years, have I been praying to a pretender? A quack is what you are! An imposter and a fraud is what You are!
Then without warning, the hours of endless dragging came to an end. We had reached the end of the tunnel, but I kept moving. It was like a hole in the side of an underground cliff, and I came flying out into the air. All at once, for a split second my eyes opened and I was able to see. The site was horrific as I saw what appeared to be a lake of fire underneath me full of all the evil people who lived on the earth. The agony of hearing all those poor souls screaming in anguish rocked my insides like an earth quake. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. I wanted to help them, but I was also chained and now I was diving with great speed headed directly toward the lake of flames. I’m scared beyond any fear I’ve ever known. Crying without being able to stop, I was so sorry for my sins! Lord forgive me. I’m sorry! Help me Jesus! What have I done wrong? With each tear I cried, it left burn marks on my cheeks as they rolled boiling down my face. It is so hot here!
Then I broke the sound of speed as I pierced like a dart straight into the lake of fire. My skin ripped back and peeled like the peeling of an apple. It swelled like pork rinds and became dust and just burned, but my pain never stopped. Then from somewhere in the back of my mind I heard someone calling my name. Nate, waiting a few seconds then again. Nate! After the third time I heard my name I was able to open my eyes again and as I looked around, I was safe at home in my bed. When I woke from this night terror, my bed was soaked with sweat! It was literally damp to the touch, and I was crying uncontrollably. I fell to the floor and began to ask God to forgive me for doubting Him in my nightmare. I remembered how I had screamed at Him in my dream asking Him if I had been praying to a charlatan god. A pretender; a quack; an imposter, and more bad things I said. Many people have told me that you can’t help what you dream and that God would never hold that against me, but I still asked for forgiveness anyway!
After this night terror, I prayed and asked God to help me to be strong even in my dreams. Help me to be an overcoming Christian even when I’m asleep which He did when a demon from hell manifested itself in my home many months later. I know the devil torments my mind, but I don’t believe he can read my mind. He can tempt me and he tries to make me dwell on the things of the darkness, but I don’t believe he can read my mind. If Satan could read my mind then he would have already destroyed me. He just knows me by my actions and by what I speak. So I must always be giving Jesus the glory and the praise that is due Him!
There’s a battle raging and it’s on the inside of me; pulling and tugging me in every direction. The Holy Spirit is pulling me into the light of righteousness. Yet, the demons of hell are pulling me into the darkness of destruction. All the while I’m crying Holy Spirit, pull harder!